Thursday, February 22, 2007

To Do: Find a New Assistant

Often, when I tell people that I am a nanny, they react as if I've just told them that I don't have a job.

"Cool, so you just sit on the couch all day, eating ice cream sandwiches?"

No, no I don't.

Anyone who is a nanny can tell you that nannydom is full of many things, the least of which is downtime. Kids do not take six hour naps, we don't watch t.v. all day, and contrary to popular belief, childcare is not the only thing we do...it's what we expect to do, but it isn't long before the other jobs start to creep in and our job becomes less about being the nanny, and more about being the household manager.

The "To Do" list made its first appearance in my life one spring morning when I showed up to work. The mother, rushing out of the house, yelled on her way out, "Can you run a couple of errands for me? I left the list on the counter."

This first list wasn't very intimidating. Pick up milk and cheese from the grocery store, drop off dry cleaning and buy stamps at the post office. These things I can handle. Sure, they weren't part of my job description and if I wanted to be someone's personal assistant, I would have gotten that job instead, but at this point, I wasn't very troubled. I ran the errands, kids in tow, and hoped that "to do" lists weren't going to be a daily thing.

Four weeks and dozens of lists later, I wondered where the turning point of my job had been. It was as if my employer had joined some sort of "Make Your Nanny Manage Your Life" forum. Overnight, I had gone from "childcare provider" to "grocery shopper, dry-clean runner, package sender, car washer, weed trimmer, and appointment maker." I also had to help the carpet guy figure out how and where to move all the furniture out of the three rooms he was re-carpeting and pick up a second cousin from the airport. None of these things had been mentioned in my interview, during which the job had been presented as taking care of two little boys. Imagine if the day were spent running my own errands, dragging the kids all over town. I would be fired before I could say, "The dry-cleaning had to be picked up by five."

It's as if employers don't have time to work these things into their own busy, hectic schedules, so they dump them instead into our busy, hectic schedules. These schedules, mind you, that are supposed to primarily be about taking care of the kids. Before you ask your nanny to take Fido to the dog groomer or to make sure all the plants in the backyard are watered, please remember that these are not the jobs she asked for...and if these are the services you need, advertise correctly:

WANTED: PERSONAL SHOPPER, PRESENT BUYER/WRAPPER, DOG WALKER, LANDSCAPE MANAGER, DRIVING SERVICE FOR DISTANT RELATIVES, babysitter, etc.

And, just so we're clear...bringing your husband's underwear to the laundromat with the rest of the dirty clothes kind of makes me uncomfortable...I'm just saying...

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey I totally agree with your post! especially the part about the husbands underwear!

Anonymous said...

If you don't want to be a nanny then, get a different job. Don't make a whole deal about it. Or you could find a new family...maybe say no sometime..ask for a raise.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I want to be a nanny. I love the kids and the job. I don't like being taken advantage of...would you like to have to do your boss's laundry and dishes and mundane errands all day instead of your job? Imagine one day, your sitting at your desk and he drops a sack of laundry down and expects you to take care of it...not really what you signed up for, right?

~Nanny

Unknown said...

I think of it as if they were my own children. I would do my own children's laundry. Day to day tasks need to be taken care of. If you don't want to do them, say a big "no thank you." It's a pretty simple solution. As for dishes, what does that take, like 5 minutes?

("you're sitting at your desk... not "your")

imyournanny said...

Brian,

First and foremost, thank you for the "your" correction. It is one of my pet-peeves, as well, and in my hurry to post, I must have missed it.

And of course I do the children's laundry and dishes! When I mentioned the dishes, I meant only when the parents have a dinner party (as the family I worked for often did) and then expect me to clean up after them and all their friends. I have absolutely no problem with light housework and doing everything for the children. You sound like you work for a family that expects you to do things that a normal nanny does and that's great. However, many of us have worked for families that have no idea how to employ a person in their home. As far as I'm concerned, your nanny is not your servant. He or she is your childcare provider. One time I was asked to pull the weeds in the backyard while the children napped. Do you think that's reasonable? Because I think that's stepping outside the nanny boundaries...

inell said...

I suppose you're right. Pulling weeds is not cool. But if you want to feel like part of the family, sometimes you go out of your way to do things for them. I understand what you mean/where you're coming from though. No disrespect.

(that was me above, not Brian. Somehow my boyfriend's gmail was signed on)

inell said...

Oh yeah, I meant to ask you. Are you in Chicago?

imyournanny said...

Hello, Nell,

Nice to meet you. I am in Chicago. I have to change my MySpace, as I think it still says New York, but yes, I live in Chicago. : )

Anonymous said...

I agree with nanny- some things just aren't part of providing childcare. I have to go to my boss's p.o. box everyday to pick up packages when they arrive. They don't give me extra money for gas, either- its just something thats expected from a BABYSITTER, apparently. I guess I'm a baby/p.o.boxsitter, haha

Unknown said...

Haha, POboxer. What part of town do you nanny in?

gnarly nanny said...

i already kudos-ed you on myspace, but again, great post...
i am so considering myself a household manager. too bad it's sort of an awkward thing to say if someone asks you what you do...

gnarly nanny said...

wow, just, in response to the second comment down... harsh!
i think nanny's post has a lot of relevance. there are lots of things i do for the families i work for that i'm not asked to do or expected to do (which have ranged from re-organizing drawers to planting gardens) and those things i do because i love the families and i love helping them. there's a difference between doing extra things and running a couple errands once in a while when they are sincerely appreciated, and being expected to do them on a constant basis without any talk about these things being incorporated into your job title and without being fairly compensated for doing them. big difference.

Anonymous said...

Its the difference between a nanny and household manager I believe to do task for the family, outside of the childcare role. I do laundry, cook(breakfast and lunch), empty and load the dishwasher, take care of the dog, But if im running errands, generally i get a little extra bonus from my parents. They know it takes up valuable time from their children, and want to thank me for helping them out. And I agree that second comment is harsh!

Anonymous said...

I work for really great people and they pay me REALLY REALLY well. So I put up with a lot of extra duties most people don't. Sometimes it really makes me laugh the things they want me do. Occasionally I have had to express to them that it's a bit too much. I've had to say, look, I have a choice, I can reorganize your son's bedroom closet or actually pay attention to your children. It's up to you! Let me know and I'll go from there! I try to say it in a joking way and it usually seems to get the point across.

My very favorite duties have included:

1.) Finding a note (2 days before my wedding btw!) saying that I needed to find a new dry cleaner, who used a specific dry cleaning system, to dry clean the families clothes that they were planning on wearing to my wedding because their old cleaners had gone out of business. Now Mind you, their oldest child was my flower girl! Her dress was included in this package!

2.) Finding a note saying "BTW, the baby still won't use a bottle. Milk's in the fridge." The day my boss went back to work after maternity leave.

3.) This weeks note simply said "Can you figure out how to get our internet working again?" (Not exactly my area of expertise!)

My other favorite is having to entertain their out of town guests. Family will come from all over to see the kids for a week and the parents won't take any time off work! I'm expected to keep a handle on the household while grandma stands over me and tells me everything that i"m doing wrong. (I almost always get a big bonus for this though, so who am I to complain?!)

But I take all these things in stride, because I love my job (and of course the kids!). The little bonuses every once in a while certainly help too!

imyournanny said...

To the previous poster,

This is exactly what I was talking about! Thank you so much for sharing your stories, proving that not all nannies have "watching the kids" as their only responsibility. It's nice to hear that you get bonuses for your extra efforts. And I totally understand what you're talking about with the grandma-over-the-shoulder...nannies should get paid quadruple when grandma's in town. : )

Anonymous said...

I'm a part-time nanny, and the mom and I discussed up front that I would do some light housework for her in addition to watching her son. I would be paid a little more than she had initially intended for doing these things. This is ok with me since it keeps me busy...I don't like being bored and unsure of what to do next. Sometimes it does get a little out of hand, though.

What confused me was when they hired a cleaning lady a month or so ago. I was cleaning their house on a weekly basis, so I'm not sure why that wasn't good enough. It doesn't appear that the cleaning lady comes every week, so...I'm still doing some cleaning. Whatever...I guess it's their house, so even if it doesn't make sense to me...

Anonymous said...

Oh man! I wish I got quadruple when grandma was around! The woman is very particular. Everything from what the kids are eating to what I am wearing that day come under her critique. Last time they were here I felt extremely "LUCKY" because I had just come down with walking pneumonia and I got to take the whole week off while they were here. I NEVER IN MY LIFE thought I would feel "LUCKY" for coming down with PNEUMONIA!

Side note: I have never been asked to do the parents laundry (just the kids), other then that dry cleaning incident mentioned above but I don't really count that as "doing the laundry". I actually have turned down a job in the past because of laundry. The family had 2 teenage boys, a mom, a dad, and an 8 year old girl. They wanted me to do the whole families laundry as part of my job! Can you imagine?! Not just the dad's underwear - but two teenage boys?! Ew! Ew! Ew! I don't even like doing laundry in the first place! (My husband is laundry do-er around my house.) It was a great offer too, and a really nice family, but they wouldn't budge on the laundry thing and I had to tell them no way!

Anonymous said...

I've been nannying for eight months, and my family is awesome. They tell me they appreciate it when I do little extra things, and they gave me a raise after I had been with them for a month and proved myself. Because they take care of me, I don't mind doing extra things like light housework for them. But pulling weeds? Running tons of errands? That's a big much.

Anonymous said...

I state very clearly at interviews that I do only child related chores, clean up after meals, put toys away etc. That way they never assume I will do non nanny things. Once I start a job I might offer to feed the pets, water plants etc which I am happy to do, but they won't ask me to do things I don't want to do.

Anonymous said...

I am a part time nanny. I love the family I work for now, and I do some extra things for the mom who works from home while the baby is sleeping. I don't mind at all because she has told me she knows my job is with the children. I will clean up after the kids, wipe counters, clean any spills, organize toys, make meals and load/unload washer and do kids laundry if time permits. I also help with data entry and errands.

I had an interview with one nutty lady with a 2 year old and an adorable 6 year old who I would fetch from from school and help him w/hw (Sounds good so far, right? I love helping with hw and I adore toddlers...)she wanted me to do the following however and I could barely keep from fainting/bursting out with laughter
1. EVERY DAY While 2 year old naps at 2:00:
a. Strip ALL beds in house of linens: wash, dry and make beds when completed
b. Mop Kitchen and bathroom floors
c. Deep clean all bathrooms (toilets, mirrors, counters,tiles and tubs)
d. Vacuum playroom,living room and dining room
2. Two times a week do ENTIRE families laundry, fold/hang/iron and put away
3. Prepare dinner daily for entire household, ready and left in oven on 100 degrees to keep warm
4. Take trash out and get mail

How can anyone accomplish all that in 5 hours while watching a toddler and gong to pick up a 3 year old? I politely declined, I am no superwoman and she would have been sorely dissapointed.

Anonymous said...

This is why most families hire cleaning ladies between 100 dollars and one hundred and sixty depending on the size of the house. I think of the home as my class room.The first and most important thing are the time and attention the child recives from you. children need to be played with, they need help with homework, and activites. I do all this and when they are sleeping I sweep, take out the trash, vaccum the play room and when awake vaccum their room(they are always with me) unload dishwasher, load dishwasher, make healthy organic meals, and change the childrens bedding as well as the changing tables, I also keep clean the girls bathrooms. In my opinion this is what a nannie does ( all things children related .) There is no time for any thing else. However, If the parents need personal errands done then we discuss them and they pay extra. I am happy to do this on my own time, like once a week I go through the whole house with organic natural products and clean everything from top to bottom with the other nannie. They pay us like they would a maid.It works for them cuz they can trust us and we do a better job because we know and love the family and kids, it works for us too cuz we feel apreciated and it keeps a happy and peacfull work enviorment.

debbie s. said...

I'm a writer, and have a part time nanny (whom I love and appreciate so much, because if not for her, I'd never get ANY work done!)I know our situation is a little unique, simply because I'm at home while she's working (though I try to stay out of her way!) but I can't IMAGINE asking her to run my personal errands. Often, I use the time when shes here to run errands, but she has on occasion run up to the store for me...But that's only happened once or twice that I can think of.

And who takes their underwear to the drycleaners? lol

I guess some people are more uppity than me. Running a load of wash isn't that hard.

My nanny will put away the baby's clothes ( 18 months), my 9 year old is responsible for putting her own clothes away...and she will give them lunch and snacks.

The only time I ask her to clean (other than just picking up after the baby) is if I'm having company come over the next day or something and have a lot of work I need to get done. BUt the children have to always come first! I can hear if the baby is being a monster child - and if I hear that, I don't expect much else to be done around the house! lol! I know I can't do chores and keep him happy on his bad days!

:)

a big hug to all the wonderful nannies of the world!

oh, and I found this because I'm researching the best ways to introduce a nanny to your child for the first time...its due today, so if anyone has any tips, send them my ways ASAP! :)

Anonymous said...

If you are being paid hourly and the children are sleeping or preoccupied, safely; I don't think it is wrong to ask the nanny to help with household chores. If you are offended every time your employer ask you for help perhaps you should work for a daycare where you are under the job description you seem to have painted for yourself. People hire nannys for the high quality care of their children and to ease the homemaking task. The more you can do for a family while they are away at work, means the more time they can spend with their children when they return.

Anonymous said...

Nannies aren't homemakers- they're NANNIES! You wouldn't leave the kids with the maid, would you?

Anonymous said...

HaHa. I am fine with cleaning up after the kids, but anything beyond that just isn't my job.

Anonymous said...

I was a part-time nanny for a baby, and the father often worked from home. We had agreed that I would do baby-related chores (i.e. washing baby's dishes and putting away, washing and putting away his laundry, etc.).

One day when dad was working from home, I put baby down to sleep, did all the usual chores, and sat down to read until baby woke up. Dad walked by several times looking irritated. The next day he stated, "It looks like you have a lot of free time while baby is sleeping. I would like you to type these documents for me while he sleeps." I'M NOT JOKING! And the worst part was...I actually did it for a few days. (I was young, what can I say...) The last straw was when the family bounced two checks in a row and refused to pay my bank fees.

RIDICULOUS.

Anonymous said...

As a nanny I always do the dishes! It's part of the job, you feed and clean up after the children. As for the errands, as long as they aren't extensive, what is the big deal? I've taken the family dog to the vet, picked up some groceries here and there, and done other things to help the household run smoothly. Children don't need you every second of the day. Yes, you should focus on them and not the cleaning or whatever else, but as a nanny you are basically taking the place of the parents while they are gone, and parents have to run errands and some chores around the house.

If you are an efficient nanny, you could get the children (as long as they are over age 4 or so, to help out by having them put their own toys and clothes away with your help of course. These are important skills that so many children with nannies lack because their parents do not always teach them responsibility. At least that is the case with the families that I have worked with.

Anonymous said...

And I posted the last post, I just want to make sure that you understand that the children are with me at all times that I am running these errands, they aren't sitting at home in front of the TV

Jennifer said...

Wow, I totally know what you mean. I'm a nanny, too! (onlinenannydiaries.blogspot). Here's the part I don't get: people admit that being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, yet they think being a nanny is the easiest!!!

Anonymous said...

You are being paid by your employer right? If the kids are napping or in school there is downtime and a nanny is employed to help the family. That entails a number of daily things. Weeding not so much but if that bothers you tell them you will line up a landscaper to take care of that.

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny too and this is just so funny, reminds me of the movie nanny diaries! ANannysDream.blogspot.com FOLLOW!

Anonymous said...

So what exactly would an assistant to a nanny do? I totally agree with your part about husband's underwear! Gross!

Anonymous said...

The definition of NANNY is (contrary to popular belief) not SLAVE.

Anonymous said...

This couldn't be more true!!!!! I have been with my family for almost a year now and feel that my employer keeps adding things on my to-do list...grocery shopping is the only errand I am in charge of but I guess she thinks I am her personal assistant as well...for instance, the other day she asked me to go pick up her este lauder cream, a sympathy card for one of her mothers friends that passed away, face wash from Khels AND to Gap Kids to pick up leggings for her daughter..I'm starting to get fed up with all the extra things she adds to my busy day..I feel like I need to say something but never feel their is a right time.. It sure can be awkward talking to a parent about these kind of things but if we don't, we will definitely be taken advantage of!!! And keep in mind, I'm only paid $15 an Hr for a 11 month old and a 3 year old

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