One of the biggest obstacles facing a nanny is the passive aggressive parent. Normally, when an employer has some sort of issue with an employee, he or she makes it clear exactly what the problem is so that it can be immediately resolved and business can continue running smoothly. This does not seem to be the case in the nanny/parent reationship. I'm not sure if this is because the parent does not want to directly offend the employee/friend/family member (as it's often the case the nanny is all three) or if it's because the parent has never employed someone and does not know how to address certain issues, but I do know one thing: it is VERY annoying.
Case in point: A few years ago, I was watching a little boy who would get very excited everytime I turned on the sink. He would shriek with delight and beg to touch the water. Occasionally, I would lift him up on the counter so that he could stick his hand under the faucet. I would always hold on to him tightly and hold him there for a few seconds until he laughed his little head off and that would be it. No soaking babies, crazy water bills or near drownings. One time, the mother of this little boy walked in and said in a not-so-pleased tone, "Hmm...looks like nanny lets you get away with anything." She then left the room in a bit of a huff and didn't say anything else. Allow me first to point out: craziest thing, after I was born, I was given a name. That name was not nanny. Now, to my bigger concern: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! "Get away with anything?" I didn't hand the baby a beer and tell him to invite his toddler friends over for the party of the year. I let him touch water for three seconds. After all, it is a natural resource and one that he's bound to encounter throughout his life. I felt like I was in trouble and had no idea what I had done.
I suddenly realized why my high school boyfriend had been so frustrated everytime I was clearly mad at him but refused to say why, instead relying on the old," Nothing is bothering me (though really it is and you better figure it out soon and apologize for it before I break up with you)." He was not a mind reader and neither are nannies. Sometimes, you are clearly annoyed with whatever we are doing. Just tell us what it is! If we are letting your toddler color in a coloring book in the living room and you never do, don't say, "Oh, this is where you let him color?"and leave. Say, "We usually only let him color at the kitchen table. Sorry we didn't let you know beforehand." Passive aggressive annoyance only leaves us confused and unsure of what the problem is... Unless you have a specially skilled psychic nanny, your issue is bound to remain unsolved, and your nanny will start to feel uncomfortable in her job.
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8 comments:
Amen sister!! Be honest, it the only way to keep a happy employee. But sometimes the parents being honest will drive you away. I worked for a family for 3 years from when their twin children were 4mos old till almost 3, I asked to take them to the Zoo, and my honest and direct answer was you will NEVER take them to the zoo. I thought being a nanny was supposed to make you as part of the family, they did not, so I got another job, and am part of a family!
I had an experience with a family once similar to those passive agressive parents.
Well It was actually the Mom telling me the next day what I did "wrong" . But it was just in the tone she used that woudl upset me ,she tried to sound very calm but inside seemed very annoyed and like wanting me to guess what else she was trying to say. It was awful, you know i cannot guess how each child is treated, fed,put to bed etc... They are all different but i was suppose to Guess each time.
I also hear you about not taking the kids to the ZOO!!! I was not even allowed to take them to a playgroup with only 2 other girls, As you can imagine i left that place, it made me feel like i was not able to care for her child in an enviroment other than her house!! I wonder how she use to do it, when she woudl go over hwer friends house?? Horrible!
Iam so blessed to be with this GReat FAmily now !!!
Have you ever tried to talk to your employers about what bothers you? There is nothing wrong with that and I bet they would appreciate hearing your thoughts instead if you steaming under your skin - guess what they can feel your anger/frustrationa nd so can the kids. If sonething bothers you, talk to them - COMMUNICATE! if they don't like it then get a new job...perhaps they have no idea how their behavior or comments makes you feel.
i love it! the dad in the family i work for always says things that are kind of mean, kind of ambiguous...i hate it!!!!!!!!
This it totally my boss! I feel like she doesn't trust my judgement at all! "Oh, you don't cut up her corndogs?" She's 4!!! "Isn't it a little chilly to wear flip flops?" It's 70 degrees! If you want to be such a control freak, raise your own child!!
The father of the family I work for bitches to me about what the cleaner does wrong but never seems to tell her. She is a really sweet girl and works hard and I'm sure she would act on any suggestions he gave, but he seems to prefer to laugh at her or blame problems on her in her absence. I really hope he doesn't do the same thing to me when I'm not there, but I expect he does.
I have just started a new job with a new family 1 month ago they have one baby who is one and mum has just gone back to work.
When I started this job he didn't have any routine or sleep pattern he was upset for most of the day because of lack of sleep mum said he doesn't like to sleep. well which baby does?! I'm sure some do but from my experience Not many anyway I now have him in a better routine and he is napping twice a day and generally a much happier baby. But there is a problem since mum has gone back to work she has been horrible to me she sends patronizing messages to me telling me what to do all the time and sometimes when she is around she ignores me when I'm talking to her as if I am not there.When she does talk to me she is very rude to me.
Now I know it must be hard going back to work and I asked her if everything was ok if I could change anything but she just said she is sad to be back at work. Now I totally understand that but she needs to change how she deals with it as she is pushing me awayand I have already started looking for a new job. Has anyone experienced this and did it change after time?
Well said sister!! The father drops hints all the time "why are these doors closed?" when I have been given instructions by the stepmom to keep the dog out of the lounge. The dog that arrived one day without consulting me.
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