Thank you, everyone, for the supportive emails and comments you've written. I really appreciate it! I would like to invite everyone to send me emails with what you find most challenging about the job- I always love to hear from other nannies and childcare providers! After I get responses, I will post some of them (anonymously, of course). My email is nannyquest@gmail.com. Feel free to share any nanny horror stories, as well. : )
Thanks again! Have a great day and remember to tell your nanny friends about the site...I can also be found at myspace.com/nannyblog.
~nanny: )
www.imyournanny.blogspot.com
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The Chronically "Accidentally Late" Parent
When we apply for nanny jobs, families expect us to be upfront and honest about everything...our good traits and our bad. For instance, I always tell families that I'm not a very good cook. I can play princess games and hide-and-seek with the best of them, but put me in front of a stove and I can guarantee a good grilled cheese, but nothing much fancier than that.
I only wish, then, that Family #6 that I worked for had been more 'telling' in our interview. If only the nanny-wanted ad had read: "Two beautiful children, one dog, light housework, chronically late mother." The first three I can handle- the fourth would have turned me away from the job in an instant. I'm not so much referring to the "scheduled lateness" that occurs when a parent asks the nanny ahead of time if he or she can stay late next Wednesday because of a meeting. No, here, I am talking about "accidental lateness." The kind the tired nanny didn't anticipate and the kind that leaves her staring at the clock as the minutes slowly creep by as she wonders why it is so hard to get home everyday at 6:00, as that's what she was promised. It's the kind of late that comes with excuses that briefly apologize and then accentuate how being late was no fault of the parent's. When it happens all the time, it's the most frustrating kind of "late."
Here's the thing: nannies are expected to be punctual. If we are not, any number of things could happen: kids are late for school, important business meetings are missed, the generally peaceful household turns into a chaotic mess...things like that. While this might sound dramatic, any nanny who has ever been late on such a "chaotic" morning can tell you all about the stink-eye that she received and the rushed, perturbed hand-over of the kids that she was given. Parents, understandably, don't appreciate a late nanny. For some reason, the chronically late parent doesn't seem to deem his or her tardiness to be quite as problematic as the nanny's. Let me assure you- it is just as annoying for us. After ten hours of dealing with fussy babies, we aren't very excited when our job spills over into the twelfth hour. Our banks and laundromats are closed. It's too late for grocery shopping. And now, our only option is to go home and go to bed because in nine hours, you need us back here to do it all over again.
One time, while babysitting for Family #6, I was having an awful day. The two little boys kept fighting and would not stop arguing with me about the strict "no-t.v. rule" the parents had recently implemented. I was ready to go home, watch my own t.v. and drink a glass of wine. I needed to relax from the long, stressful day. As 6:00 rolled around, I anxiously eyed the driveway for Mom #6's car to pull in, allowing me to return to my own life for a few hours. At 6:30, I began to guess which "accidental late" excuse I had was coming. "Traffic was terrible!"
"Sorry! My haircut took longer than expected!" I called Mom #6's cell phone; it was dead. I made the boys dinner (an exceptionally good grilled cheese, I might add). At 7:15, I started to get nervous. Should I call the hospital? Surely, nothing but an emergency could make someone an hour and fifteen minutes late with no phone call.
At 8:00, the car I had longed to see pulled into the driveway. I expected to see a cast on a broken bone or a dent in the bumper of the car to signal some sort of acceptable excuse for such tardiness. No, instead I saw five Nordstrom bags. Mom #6 rushed into the house and said:
"Sorry! It was Nordstrom's semi-annual clearance sale and I just lost track of time. Oh, good, you made dinner. Okay, you can go and we'll see you in the morning."
She was shopping. There were no hospital emergencies; just discounted jeans. Job #6 continued in this fashion for a very long time. The list of excuses never failed to surprise me. It wouldn't be quite as annoying if this wasn't the same woman who called my cell phone four times once when I was three minutes late. Can you just imagine if I came to her house one morning at 10:00, instead of my regular 8:00? "I'm so sorry! Macy's was having a great sale and I lost track of the time. Okay, you can go now- have a fantastic day!"
I only wish, then, that Family #6 that I worked for had been more 'telling' in our interview. If only the nanny-wanted ad had read: "Two beautiful children, one dog, light housework, chronically late mother." The first three I can handle- the fourth would have turned me away from the job in an instant. I'm not so much referring to the "scheduled lateness" that occurs when a parent asks the nanny ahead of time if he or she can stay late next Wednesday because of a meeting. No, here, I am talking about "accidental lateness." The kind the tired nanny didn't anticipate and the kind that leaves her staring at the clock as the minutes slowly creep by as she wonders why it is so hard to get home everyday at 6:00, as that's what she was promised. It's the kind of late that comes with excuses that briefly apologize and then accentuate how being late was no fault of the parent's. When it happens all the time, it's the most frustrating kind of "late."
Here's the thing: nannies are expected to be punctual. If we are not, any number of things could happen: kids are late for school, important business meetings are missed, the generally peaceful household turns into a chaotic mess...things like that. While this might sound dramatic, any nanny who has ever been late on such a "chaotic" morning can tell you all about the stink-eye that she received and the rushed, perturbed hand-over of the kids that she was given. Parents, understandably, don't appreciate a late nanny. For some reason, the chronically late parent doesn't seem to deem his or her tardiness to be quite as problematic as the nanny's. Let me assure you- it is just as annoying for us. After ten hours of dealing with fussy babies, we aren't very excited when our job spills over into the twelfth hour. Our banks and laundromats are closed. It's too late for grocery shopping. And now, our only option is to go home and go to bed because in nine hours, you need us back here to do it all over again.
One time, while babysitting for Family #6, I was having an awful day. The two little boys kept fighting and would not stop arguing with me about the strict "no-t.v. rule" the parents had recently implemented. I was ready to go home, watch my own t.v. and drink a glass of wine. I needed to relax from the long, stressful day. As 6:00 rolled around, I anxiously eyed the driveway for Mom #6's car to pull in, allowing me to return to my own life for a few hours. At 6:30, I began to guess which "accidental late" excuse I had was coming. "Traffic was terrible!"
"Sorry! My haircut took longer than expected!" I called Mom #6's cell phone; it was dead. I made the boys dinner (an exceptionally good grilled cheese, I might add). At 7:15, I started to get nervous. Should I call the hospital? Surely, nothing but an emergency could make someone an hour and fifteen minutes late with no phone call.
At 8:00, the car I had longed to see pulled into the driveway. I expected to see a cast on a broken bone or a dent in the bumper of the car to signal some sort of acceptable excuse for such tardiness. No, instead I saw five Nordstrom bags. Mom #6 rushed into the house and said:
"Sorry! It was Nordstrom's semi-annual clearance sale and I just lost track of time. Oh, good, you made dinner. Okay, you can go and we'll see you in the morning."
She was shopping. There were no hospital emergencies; just discounted jeans. Job #6 continued in this fashion for a very long time. The list of excuses never failed to surprise me. It wouldn't be quite as annoying if this wasn't the same woman who called my cell phone four times once when I was three minutes late. Can you just imagine if I came to her house one morning at 10:00, instead of my regular 8:00? "I'm so sorry! Macy's was having a great sale and I lost track of the time. Okay, you can go now- have a fantastic day!"
Friday, November 17, 2006
Wait- The Maid Makes How Much?!
One of the most common topics brought up amongst nannies is what constitutes adequate pay. I would like to lightly touch on the subject with a story from a previous job.
I have worked for some very wealthy families , all of whom have had cleaning people come to their homes at least once or twice a week. I've never known how much they make, but often regard the lump of bills they're handed with a bit of curiosity. "Are those singles?" I wondered. Is it possible the cleaning people could be making that much more than me? "Must be singles," I would reassure myself as I continued taking care of my employer's children.
Then came the day where it became painfully obvious that some services within this specific home were valued more than others. On that particular morning, my employer was leaving her house in a hurry, before the woman who came to clean was done. She would need me to pay her.
"Can you just grab one of those blank checks in the top drawer and fill it out for me? She gets $100."
"Wait just a minute!" I said. "She has been here less than two and a half hours. That means she's making $40+/hour to clean your toilets?! You can take my $9.50 an hour and shove it!"
Well, I said it in my head, anyway, because my employer was already gone and even if she was still there, let's be honest-I would have smiled and complied, secretly hating my existence. Was I wrong all along? Was my employer's most precious darling her dishless sink? Her perfectly made bed? In what bizarro world does it make sense to pay your childcare worker less than a quarter of what you pay someone to clean up after you? (Which, I might add, was something I regularly had to do as the nanny, so my pay should have been $49.50/hour, really). Not to demean this woman's job in any way; she, too, has to deal with many of the problems that nannies do in their jobs...this is simply to comment on the employer's priorities.
As I wrote the check out for the cleaning lady, I smiled and couldn't help thinking, "Good for you. You convinced these people that having a sparkling bathroom is worth $40/hour." The question, then, is: How do I convince them that their children should be worth as much?
I saw on the calendar that the interior designer was coming the next day. It's impossible that she could get paid more than me for picking the proper vases for the living room. She must only get $8.00 an hour, right?
I have worked for some very wealthy families , all of whom have had cleaning people come to their homes at least once or twice a week. I've never known how much they make, but often regard the lump of bills they're handed with a bit of curiosity. "Are those singles?" I wondered. Is it possible the cleaning people could be making that much more than me? "Must be singles," I would reassure myself as I continued taking care of my employer's children.
Then came the day where it became painfully obvious that some services within this specific home were valued more than others. On that particular morning, my employer was leaving her house in a hurry, before the woman who came to clean was done. She would need me to pay her.
"Can you just grab one of those blank checks in the top drawer and fill it out for me? She gets $100."
"Wait just a minute!" I said. "She has been here less than two and a half hours. That means she's making $40+/hour to clean your toilets?! You can take my $9.50 an hour and shove it!"
Well, I said it in my head, anyway, because my employer was already gone and even if she was still there, let's be honest-I would have smiled and complied, secretly hating my existence. Was I wrong all along? Was my employer's most precious darling her dishless sink? Her perfectly made bed? In what bizarro world does it make sense to pay your childcare worker less than a quarter of what you pay someone to clean up after you? (Which, I might add, was something I regularly had to do as the nanny, so my pay should have been $49.50/hour, really). Not to demean this woman's job in any way; she, too, has to deal with many of the problems that nannies do in their jobs...this is simply to comment on the employer's priorities.
As I wrote the check out for the cleaning lady, I smiled and couldn't help thinking, "Good for you. You convinced these people that having a sparkling bathroom is worth $40/hour." The question, then, is: How do I convince them that their children should be worth as much?
I saw on the calendar that the interior designer was coming the next day. It's impossible that she could get paid more than me for picking the proper vases for the living room. She must only get $8.00 an hour, right?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Am I Working for You or Dating a 15 Year Old Girl?
One of the biggest obstacles facing a nanny is the passive aggressive parent. Normally, when an employer has some sort of issue with an employee, he or she makes it clear exactly what the problem is so that it can be immediately resolved and business can continue running smoothly. This does not seem to be the case in the nanny/parent reationship. I'm not sure if this is because the parent does not want to directly offend the employee/friend/family member (as it's often the case the nanny is all three) or if it's because the parent has never employed someone and does not know how to address certain issues, but I do know one thing: it is VERY annoying.
Case in point: A few years ago, I was watching a little boy who would get very excited everytime I turned on the sink. He would shriek with delight and beg to touch the water. Occasionally, I would lift him up on the counter so that he could stick his hand under the faucet. I would always hold on to him tightly and hold him there for a few seconds until he laughed his little head off and that would be it. No soaking babies, crazy water bills or near drownings. One time, the mother of this little boy walked in and said in a not-so-pleased tone, "Hmm...looks like nanny lets you get away with anything." She then left the room in a bit of a huff and didn't say anything else. Allow me first to point out: craziest thing, after I was born, I was given a name. That name was not nanny. Now, to my bigger concern: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! "Get away with anything?" I didn't hand the baby a beer and tell him to invite his toddler friends over for the party of the year. I let him touch water for three seconds. After all, it is a natural resource and one that he's bound to encounter throughout his life. I felt like I was in trouble and had no idea what I had done.
I suddenly realized why my high school boyfriend had been so frustrated everytime I was clearly mad at him but refused to say why, instead relying on the old," Nothing is bothering me (though really it is and you better figure it out soon and apologize for it before I break up with you)." He was not a mind reader and neither are nannies. Sometimes, you are clearly annoyed with whatever we are doing. Just tell us what it is! If we are letting your toddler color in a coloring book in the living room and you never do, don't say, "Oh, this is where you let him color?"and leave. Say, "We usually only let him color at the kitchen table. Sorry we didn't let you know beforehand." Passive aggressive annoyance only leaves us confused and unsure of what the problem is... Unless you have a specially skilled psychic nanny, your issue is bound to remain unsolved, and your nanny will start to feel uncomfortable in her job.
Case in point: A few years ago, I was watching a little boy who would get very excited everytime I turned on the sink. He would shriek with delight and beg to touch the water. Occasionally, I would lift him up on the counter so that he could stick his hand under the faucet. I would always hold on to him tightly and hold him there for a few seconds until he laughed his little head off and that would be it. No soaking babies, crazy water bills or near drownings. One time, the mother of this little boy walked in and said in a not-so-pleased tone, "Hmm...looks like nanny lets you get away with anything." She then left the room in a bit of a huff and didn't say anything else. Allow me first to point out: craziest thing, after I was born, I was given a name. That name was not nanny. Now, to my bigger concern: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! "Get away with anything?" I didn't hand the baby a beer and tell him to invite his toddler friends over for the party of the year. I let him touch water for three seconds. After all, it is a natural resource and one that he's bound to encounter throughout his life. I felt like I was in trouble and had no idea what I had done.
I suddenly realized why my high school boyfriend had been so frustrated everytime I was clearly mad at him but refused to say why, instead relying on the old," Nothing is bothering me (though really it is and you better figure it out soon and apologize for it before I break up with you)." He was not a mind reader and neither are nannies. Sometimes, you are clearly annoyed with whatever we are doing. Just tell us what it is! If we are letting your toddler color in a coloring book in the living room and you never do, don't say, "Oh, this is where you let him color?"and leave. Say, "We usually only let him color at the kitchen table. Sorry we didn't let you know beforehand." Passive aggressive annoyance only leaves us confused and unsure of what the problem is... Unless you have a specially skilled psychic nanny, your issue is bound to remain unsolved, and your nanny will start to feel uncomfortable in her job.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Im Your Nanny Introduction
So I've given in to writing a blog. Self-evident, right? Here's the thing: I've always kind of thought the idea of a blog was silly. You write something you think is funny, your six closest friends think is kind of funny and call it a day. Until tomorrow, of course, when you post more pictures of your dog and complain about your job. Your mom gets excited when you post a new blog and you feel mildly satisfied with your online diary. It's official: you are a blogger.
So what caused the change of blogging heart? Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a college graduate in my mid-twenties. I dream of one day being a writer. As this will probably take years and years of practice, patience and far too little pay, I am, in the meantime, your nanny. Perhaps I am not your nanny in the literal sense, but I am and have been a nanny for several years and have encountered thousands upon thousands of other nannies on the playgrounds, on walks, at the zoo, etc. We all have very similar likes and dislikes about the job and due to the particular nature of nannying, it can sometimes be awkward bringing up concerns to the families that we work for...and that is where this blog comes in...and thus, the change of heart.
One day, talking to a nanny in the park, we discussed how great it would be if we could somehow anonymously let our employers know what our biggest concerns were, as well as send out some suggestions about how to make the job more enjoyable for everyone involved. Voila! The anonymous nanny blog. As you read it, if you are a nanny employer, please take into account that the issues listed here are some of the main topics among the nanny circuit.
Why not just approach the employers directly with the issues? Nannying really is a job unlike any other. Personal and business relationships are purposefully jumbled all together to a point where some things are bound to get awkward. For example, if I worked for you in an office, I would not feel uncomfortable asking you for a raise if I felt it was deserved. Working in your home, asking you as my employer/friend, makes things a little more awkward. Should I bring it up as I hand off a spaghetti-covered toddler to you or in the middle of you making friendly chit-chat, asking about my current romantic escapades? Speaking of- am I supposed to be honest about those? As my friend, you might think the weird makeout story from last Friday is hilarious. As my employer, do you really want to hear about it? Everytime you watch me pick up your baby, are you going to think of Johnny Polo shirt who wouldn't stop trying to grab my butt at a bar the night before? See what I mean? It's a different kind of job and it's time to recognize what could be done to make it more fair and enjoyable for both the employer and employee.
It's also unique because ordinary people, many of whom have never been put in a managment position suddenly become employers. People who have never had to think about how much to pay a person or which benefits should be included or how best to balance emplyer/employee relations are now supposed to do so, and without the experience, many do it without recognizing that they are, essentially, at the head of a business. (The most important business they will ever run, in fact, as it deals only with the care and upbringing of their children). They fail to keep in mind that nannies are also in a business for themselves, and unless both parties are satisfied, the partnership is bound to fail. This blog, then, is meant to bring some nanny concerns to the attention of employers, in hopes that everyone can find an arangement that works for everyone.
So, that's it for now...keep checking back as the blog will be updated regularly!
Signed,
your nanny
So what caused the change of blogging heart? Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a college graduate in my mid-twenties. I dream of one day being a writer. As this will probably take years and years of practice, patience and far too little pay, I am, in the meantime, your nanny. Perhaps I am not your nanny in the literal sense, but I am and have been a nanny for several years and have encountered thousands upon thousands of other nannies on the playgrounds, on walks, at the zoo, etc. We all have very similar likes and dislikes about the job and due to the particular nature of nannying, it can sometimes be awkward bringing up concerns to the families that we work for...and that is where this blog comes in...and thus, the change of heart.
One day, talking to a nanny in the park, we discussed how great it would be if we could somehow anonymously let our employers know what our biggest concerns were, as well as send out some suggestions about how to make the job more enjoyable for everyone involved. Voila! The anonymous nanny blog. As you read it, if you are a nanny employer, please take into account that the issues listed here are some of the main topics among the nanny circuit.
Why not just approach the employers directly with the issues? Nannying really is a job unlike any other. Personal and business relationships are purposefully jumbled all together to a point where some things are bound to get awkward. For example, if I worked for you in an office, I would not feel uncomfortable asking you for a raise if I felt it was deserved. Working in your home, asking you as my employer/friend, makes things a little more awkward. Should I bring it up as I hand off a spaghetti-covered toddler to you or in the middle of you making friendly chit-chat, asking about my current romantic escapades? Speaking of- am I supposed to be honest about those? As my friend, you might think the weird makeout story from last Friday is hilarious. As my employer, do you really want to hear about it? Everytime you watch me pick up your baby, are you going to think of Johnny Polo shirt who wouldn't stop trying to grab my butt at a bar the night before? See what I mean? It's a different kind of job and it's time to recognize what could be done to make it more fair and enjoyable for both the employer and employee.
It's also unique because ordinary people, many of whom have never been put in a managment position suddenly become employers. People who have never had to think about how much to pay a person or which benefits should be included or how best to balance emplyer/employee relations are now supposed to do so, and without the experience, many do it without recognizing that they are, essentially, at the head of a business. (The most important business they will ever run, in fact, as it deals only with the care and upbringing of their children). They fail to keep in mind that nannies are also in a business for themselves, and unless both parties are satisfied, the partnership is bound to fail. This blog, then, is meant to bring some nanny concerns to the attention of employers, in hopes that everyone can find an arangement that works for everyone.
So, that's it for now...keep checking back as the blog will be updated regularly!
Signed,
your nanny
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